While Tina Fey’s character on the brilliant “30 Rock”
prefers to hear the word used as a connection between “meat” and “pizza,” it seems
that most people shy away from the word owing to the stigma that has long since
been associated with it. “Lover” by all accounts has become a dirty word in this
stick-up-your-ass modern-day society, and dammit, I ain’t havin’ it, because there
is no word in the world more beautiful than the one that describes an act of
love.
Good ol’ Webster’s Dict. defines the word the following way:
lov·er noun \ˈlə-vər\
Definition of LOVER 1a:
a person in love; especially a man in love with a woman. 2: persons in love
with each other. 3: a person with whom one has sexual relations.
Examples of LOVER
His wife accused him
of having a secret lover.
She left her husband and ran away with her
lover.
A-HA! As if you didn’t know already, there’s the culprit. “Lover”
is considered by many to be the unfortunately named conjoined twin sister to
the word “affair,” which is terrible really, because “affair” hasn’t been a glee-inducing
word since “Family Affair” was on television in the late 60’s (psst… ghost of Brian
Keith… call me.) In fact, Affair has
been a pretty unfair sibling to Lover. She’s been a bit sneaky when Lover is
not looking. I think it’s because she’s jealous, but, I think Lover is pretty
close to cutting the ties. With a machete. And some bandages. Tickets will be
available at www.ticketbitch.com...
As I get older (that’s what this blog is about, remember?
Eventually you knew I would tie it in) I find I’m falling more in love with the
English language. I’m a language-lover, one might say. You liked that, didn’t you?
I defend it almost daily (mostly discussing the abomination of it) but I
realized that there are so many words that I never used in my twenties because
I never felt mature enough or bold enough – as if certain words were too old
for me, or too grand for me – “lover,” being one of them. Well, screw that. Today,
I stand here before you, sitting at my desk and not really standing at all, a
lover of “lover” and all things lover-related.
In my day, I had my share of lovers in a variety of Webster
meanings as well as IKEA pricepoint room settings. Today of course, I have just
one lover in probably the most traditional of meanings and settings, but I can’t
deny that I think about the days when my lovers outnumbered my daily
medications. I never had a “type,” per say. I was an equal-opportunity lover
and found that the best lovers were often the ones that were surprised that I
found them attractive at all. A white Rastafarian artist? Bring it on, mon! A southern
Naval academy graduate? At ease, soldier! A 5’7” blue-eyed Frenchman? Oui. Oh,
oui. Oui. Oui. OH F*CK, OUI!
Huh? Uh, sorry. Got a bit lost there. My bad.
Where wa… oh yeah… and I rarely found myself not loving who
I was with. I didn’t really ever have sex to get laid. Actually, I only ever
had a single one-night stand in my life. I made love to show love and to feel
love and to be love, and I am where I
am today because I was never afraid of what love could make possible.
So if you’re reading this and you’re in your twenties, call
your lover “lover” whether it’s your boyfriend or your girlfriend or hell, even
just a friend. “Lover” gets a reaction like no other term of endearment spoken.
Use it. Abuse it. Say it and spray it, baby. And if you’re old as balls like I
am, call your lover “lover” for the same reasons I just mentioned and possibly one
large one more… because you’re madly in love with them and your life with them,
and because they’re madly in love with you for who you are. Let’s make “lover”
good again, shall we?
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